Stuff you didn't want to know about me but I wrote down anyway.

1. I shit with my shirt off all the time no matter what.

2. If I'm suspicious that you've done something to wrong me I will pick my nose and hide the booger somewhere in your car/house.

3. I'm writing this at work and am a little scared of getting fired.(Update, I have since been fired.)

4. When given the opportunity I will not hesitate to cook eggs in the nude.

5. Motorhead songs all sound the same, I love all them because of it.

6. When I can't sleep at night I day dream about you naked or about playing basketball only to be interrupted by some dick wearing a scarf, thick lensed old lady glasses, and tight expensive jeans.

7. I'm incredibly attracted to sketchy waitresses that curse.

8. The only thing worse than a cute girl swearing is a cute girl that tries to swear and can't quite pull it off.

9. I don't consider Mary Higgins Clark or the girl that wrote twilight authors.

10. On exceptionally happy days I rearrange my junk to make it visible through my jeans.

11. I've decided to refer to my penis as a "Love Stump" from now on.

12. No matter how hard I try I can't finish any book written by Faulkner.(Update, fuck you Abyslom!,Absylom!)

13. I have a tattoo of a feather on my arm but most people think it's a sword or a leaf.

14. There are two things I'm passionate about, The Utah Jazz and Betos. I find dislike of or indifference to either of these extremely offensive.

15. The fifteen minutes I spend alone on the toilet are the best of my life.

16. On a bad day nothing toughens you up again like mexican food and pie.

17. I have love handles.

18. Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.

19. I may be secretly racist.

20. I'm both excited and a little disappointed to spend Valentines alone in my underwear watching Sanford and Son all day.

21. I'm too lazy to go to college.

22. If I had an exceptionally good time on the toilet I will sing The Jefferson's theme song when I'm done. Fish don't fry in the kitchen! Beans don't burn on the grill!

23. Sometimes I google image search Emma Watson, stare at the screen, and pretend we're married.

24. I had and maybe still do have a major crush on both sisters from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and had some creepy day dreams about them both.

25. Sometimes I write haikus to forgotten celebrities.